Reasons You Should Not Date While Getting Divorced

Divorce is no walk in the park. It can leave you feeling lonely, confused, and eager for a fresh start. And while it might feel good to start dating again, let me be real with you—jumping into a new relationship before your divorce is final can cause a whole mess of problems.

At first, it might not seem like a big deal. But dating during a divorce can stir up legal issues, emotional drama, and even hurt your wallet.

Divorce isn’t just about signing some papers and walking away. It’s a life-changing process. You’re untangling your world from someone you once shared everything with—money, property, and maybe even kids. It’s already a lot to handle, and dating can make it even harder. Bringing a new partner into the mix while things are still up in the air can add a ton of stress—for you, your ex, your children, and even your court case.

I get asked this all the time: “Is dating during a divorce really that bad?”
My honest answer? Yeah, most of the time it is.

In this post, I’ll walk you through 5 clear reasons why it’s better to wait until your divorce is officially done before diving back into the dating pool. Atfirst, Let’s talk about what “dating” really means in the eyes of the law.

What Legally Counts as ‘Dating’ During Divorce?

You might be wondering, “What exactly counts as dating?” That’s a great question. The law isn’t always super clear about it, and it can depend on where you live. But in general, if you’re spending time with someone in a romantic or intimate way—whether that’s going out for dinners, messaging sweet things online, or even just hanging out a lot—that can be seen as dating.

And yes, even if you’re not being physical, just texting or chatting in a flirty way can be enough for a judge to see it as a relationship.

When this kind of stuff comes up in court, the judge will look at everything—how often you see the person, what kind of things you say to each other, and whether it seems like a romantic connection. So even if it feels casual to you, it might not look that way legally.

Here’s something really important I want you to know: being separated is not the same as being divorced. Even if you’re living apart from your spouse, you’re still legally married until the court signs off on the final divorce.

That means if you start dating while you’re separated, it could be seen as cheating in some states. I know that sounds unfair, especially if the marriage is clearly over in your heart—but legally, it still matters.

A lot of people get confused about this. They think separation gives them the green light to start fresh. But in many places, it doesn’t work that way. That final divorce paper makes it official—and until then, starting a new relationship can come back to bite you.

5 Reasons to Avoid Dating During Divorce

1. It Can Cause Big Legal Problems

Your Divorce Could Get Messy
Even if you live in a “no-fault” divorce state, where no one has to prove who was wrong, dating while the divorce isn’t final can still stir things up. Your soon-to-be ex might get angry or hurt, and that can make everything harder — like splitting up stuff, figuring out child custody, or working out support payments. What could have been a peaceful split might turn into a long, expensive fight in court.

It Might Hurt Your Chances of Getting Alimony
If you’re asking for spousal support (alimony), dating someone else can make the judge think you don’t need the money anymore — especially if they think your new partner is helping you out financially. Some states even count dating as a reason to cut or stop alimony completely. Living with someone new can really change the judge’s mind about whether you still need support.

You Could Lose Time With Your Kids
Courts care a lot about what’s best for the kids. If you start dating while the divorce is happening, the judge might question your choices. If your ex tells the court your new partner is around your kids too soon, that could hurt your chances of getting custody. The court may wonder if you’re putting your love life before your children’s well-being.

2. It Can Mess With Your Emotions

You Might Not Heal Properly
Divorce hurts. And jumping into a new relationship too fast can keep you from healing. A lot of new romances right after a breakup are “rebound” relationships — they’re more about filling a void than real love. You might end up depending on someone new before you’ve had time to get strong on your own.

It Can Make Things Worse With Your Ex
If your ex finds out you’re dating, they might get jealous or mad, even if they’ve already moved on emotionally. That can make co-parenting harder and turn peaceful talks into arguments. You might end up spending more money and time just trying to get through the divorce.

3. It Can Cost You Money

Your Legal Bills Might Go Up
If your ex gets upset about your dating, they might drag out the divorce. That means more meetings with lawyers, more court time, and more money out of your pocket. Even if you think dating won’t affect the case, it could end up costing you big.

Arguments About Money and Property
Spending joint money (like from a shared bank account) on a new boyfriend or girlfriend can backfire. Your ex could say you wasted marital money, and the court might agree. That could lead to the judge giving your ex more of the leftover money or property to make up for it.

4. It Can Damage Your Reputation

People Might Think You Cheated. Even if your marriage has been over for a while, others might see your new relationship as cheating since you’re still legally married. Friends, family, and even the judge might view it as disrespectful. That could make things socially awkward or even hurt your case.

It Could Affect Your Job. In today’s world, people talk — especially online. If your dating life shows up on social media, it could cause problems at work, especially if you have a job where image matters. Even innocent posts could be misunderstood or used against you.

5. It Can Distract You From What Matters Most

You Need to Focus on Important Stuff
Divorce is tough and takes a lot of energy. You need time to plan your finances, take care of your kids, and work through your own emotions. Dating someone new can pull your attention away from these critical things, and that might lead to bad decisions you’ll regret later.

New Relationships Might Not Be Stable
Let’s be real — when you’re hurting and vulnerable, it’s easy to fall for someone who might not be right for you. A lot of relationships that start during divorce don’t last. They often come from a place of pain, not real connection. That can lead to more heartache down the road.

FAQs: 

Can dating during divorce affect child custody?
Yes, it absolutely can. Courts prioritize the child’s best interests above all else. Your dating life can raise concerns with the court about your parental judgment and the stability of the environment you are providing for your children. Introducing a new partner too soon, or a partner with a questionable background, can be viewed negatively and may impact custody decisions.  

Is dating during divorce considered adultery?
Yes, technically it is. Until your divorce is legally finalized, you are still married, and engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else can be considered adultery. This can have legal ramifications, especially in states that recognize fault grounds for divorce or when considering alimony and the division of property.  

How long after separation should I wait to date?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It is a deeply personal decision that depends on your emotional readiness, how well you have processed the end of your marriage, and your focus on personal growth. Many experts advise waiting until after your divorce is finalized, or even longer, to ensure you have had sufficient time for emotional healing and self-reflection.  

What if I’m already dating? How to mitigate risks?
If you have already started dating, there are steps you can take to mitigate potential risks. It is advisable to keep your new relationship private, especially from your children and your ex-spouse. Avoid using marital funds for dating expenses. Be honest with your new partner about your current situation. Seek legal advice from a family law attorney to understand the potential implications in your specific case. Above all, prioritize the well-being of your children and ensure your dating life does not negatively impact them.